Drive at Night

Today 4/10/08 is Good Friday. I had a meeting to chair so I couldn't attend the 12PM Service at St. Georges. That left the 7:30 Service at Holy Trinity Collington. It was at 7:30PM and the Sun set at 7:40. The Service itself was a good one, It made me want to cry cause I couldn't stand all that Happened to Jesus that day so long ago. The Passion, St. John, makes your sight get a little watery. Leslie had a good Sermon based on what the Virgin Mary must have been thinking that day as she saw her first born dying on a Cross.
So I was glad I'd come to the Service. The drive back started bad and continued even worse. I had panic attacks, drove between 30-40 mph and was glad I'd taken my 6:00 medicine at 7:00. But even with 0.5mg of Xanax the anxiety was almost more than I could bear. I almost stopped and asked Bon to come and get me. But I didn't.
There was even one place (the curve from 450 onto 193) when I got confused and almost ran off the road.
I made it to Greenbelt and there were all these cars and all these lanes and lights and headlights and I only had one eye. I was in a panic. I was so scared. I made it past the exit fm the BW Parkway and managed to turn onto Southway without hitting anyone. I was almost home. I circled around to West Way and took it to Ridge Rd and my Handicapped Parking place. I was still paniced as I walked to our house.
I took another Xanax at home and in about 1/2 an hour the panic went away. I definetly can not drive at night on the way down to Florida next January. I might kill us all. I'm not sure my nerves could stand the strain and stress. Let alone my heart.
I used to drive at night, indeed I preferred driving at night when I drove for Jan and Windy Meadows Pottery. But that was oney eye and three heart episodes away. My by pass. I'm not the man I used to be. It also was 20 years ago.
It's funny how we slowly change and although I don't think of myself as being old I am going to be 65 in 5 months and I just haven't acclimated myself to the inexorable march of time and my increasing diminuation of things I can do.
Time marches on as I slowly grow older and older and less capable.
I think that next year I'm going to either cut the Service or if I am in Clearwater take a Bus to the Episcopal Church. Public transportation is becoming a necessity.
I think that Clearwater will be a good place for me cause I'm going to be in the Senior Apartments. I cannot believe it, but it is true--I am a Senior. How did that happen?
I am going to have to think about driving on the way home from the Nats games that are in the evening. Maybe I will have to leave early and drive home at dusk.
Sundown is later in June and July.
I'll see what happens.
Time to close the Blog. If anyone has any ideas let me know them, I'm always ready for suggestions.
The Lord be with you.-----Fr John