Change is good isn't it--but stressful

Bonnie and I are both going to be retired soon. We have been looking into the Gulf Coast of Florida. Clearwater {where GreatGrandfather Alexander lived} is a good place. Florida has beeen hit very hard by the new Depression. Property values are in the 30's and 40's thousands of dollars. We have a CD (we have several) coming out on October 4. We are going to go down to Clearwater and meet with the agent. We have already looked at the properties we want and narrowed them down to a few. We will find an agent that we like--show her our needs and look the town and units over. On or just before the 4th of Oct. we will begin the process anew and purchase with cash if the banks give us a hard time. I don't know if they will be lending by then--depends on how well Obamas Toxic Assets project for the banks goes. I can't imatgine why anyone would willingly buy a Toxic Asset. We lost 10% of our assets in the first 10 days of October 2008.
That's why the remaining 90% we have is in CD's--at least they are guarranteed 5% return. Our preference would be a Mortgage of around $200 per month. If not a Reverse mortgage on the GHI house in Greenbelt. If not that then cash from that CD. It will be income producing property for part of the year and our winter residence for part of the year. Bon gets depressed in winter and I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But this is a stressful time. Even if we are well into our sixties and should be able to live well on our pensions and our Social Securities plus the CD's, it is still scarey to spend $35,000.00 for a place that we wouldn't be living in for the entire year. The Reverse Mortgage would be used to pay off the Greenbelt home and then pay the Condo fee on the place in Clearwater. Bonnie says it is a wonderful little town. She visited the Alexander's several times when she was married to Richard. This might not happen, but it might. It is worth taking the trip down this Spring to see what's up. We have 7 months to buy the place in Clearwater if we do so.

A little touch of truth--did it hurt?

Life is hard--especially when you have a big mouth like I do. I was reading in the newspaper today that there are three types of relationshipss: Romantic; Passionate; Companiable. The Romantic has sex, deep caring, love and all the things that the word conjures up. It lasts a lifetime. Passionate is what the word describes. It has short term validity but not long term viability. Companionable is what many marriaages slip into. Sex is not a big factor, there is a comfortable sense of well being. It can last into the long term, but is less fulfilling than a Romantic relationship. For those in this type of relationship who come to realize it the relationship is in danger.
Well Bonnie came home at 6:10 today and I told her about the article and that I thought we were companionable. She said, "I'm sorry about sex." I said, "Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault it is your Dads. He's the one who abused you." I also said that we are taking steps to move beyond the companiable. We have our weekly date on Friday nights, the fact that she said she loved me today (she used to never say it to either Ian or me), the fact that she is more Demonstrative in the relationship and the fact that I tell her I love her [and mean it] and that I married her not for sex but because she was the kindest person I'd ever met.
I didn't mean to hurt her, but it just sliped out. She is in a hard place cause her father abused her sexually when she was little. She doesn't come and sex is something that she does without pleasure. She did say that, "I get twinges of sexual thoughts about you but you know they don't last".
I myself have to say that I pray that my lust be lessened, and God does that for me. Prayer is answered. Yet sometimes it isn't and I find myself lusting in my heart and abusing my body. Life is hard, but you must play the hand that is dealt to you. Lord help me play that hand.

We had two long term Anniversaries today at the Meeting I chair on Monday's at Noon. We had persons there with less than a year, less than a month. I gave a talk about how having two Long Term persons pick up new chips gives hope. When I had a week I never thought that I'd make it to two weeks. When I had a year I doubted that I'd make two. The compulsion to drink was still there. I wasn't one of those persons who had a Spiritual Experience that removed thought of Demon Rum from their thoughts for the rest of their lives.
Life isn't easy. It is a struggle that one must go through with God's help. I know that without God I'd not have a chance to pick up my 33rd year chip this July 4th. I was beaten to my knees. Literally to my knees. I wept on the cushion of the old green hide a bed that we had. "The Iron Maiden". I just gave up and it was in that giving up that I felt the first glimmer of peace. It didn't last too long. But it was there. I hadn't had hope for years. I drank to forget what I'd not done or drank to forget what I'd done. It was one and the same.
Life is like an onion, the unusable skin peels right off and the sweet onion peels back down to the center.
I live like an onion peeling back my life slowly down to the center. I guess someday I'll reach the center and join the Lord. I believe in the after Life, but not in Hell. I think that when you are not going to the Lord you simply die. Sort of like a cow or a swine. I hope there are dogs in heaven though. I've had many wonderful canine friends and I'd like to see them again.
Jesus may have had a dog, if they have them in the middle east. I bet he had fun with his canine friend. It was a lucky animal to be loved by a young boy who was the Son of God.
I wonder if the life I've led will allow me into heaven. Without Christ's Mercy I'll never make it. I ask Him to say the word that will make me worthy to recieve the Sacraments. I know I've never done anything good enough to qualify myself to eat the Broken Flesh of the Lord and to touch my lips to His blood.
Fortunately He is the God his property is always to have mercy. Abundant mercy. I count on His mercy daily and He gives it to me. I am the most fortunate of men. I am loved.

Knowing too much!!!

Sometimes I am the recipient of information I don't want to know and certainly cannot disclose. It is a burden when things that were told to me come to fruition just as predicted.
Today was one of those times when what I knew was going to happen happened---and it saddens me. A cutting of ties between an entity and an employee for reasons not consistent with the announced reason. It is so sad when a gifted incumbent is let go because of what may be a too strict interpretation of a Principle of Human Resources. The result is pain to the individual as well as the organization.
I have done a too strict interpretation of an Episcopal directive regarding burial and I feel bad even after 22 years.
I fear that the Boss will feel bad once they think about it.
But time will tell if there is growth in that direction or a denial of the too strict interpretation being bad.
Father John