We had two long term Anniversaries today at the Meeting I chair on Monday's at Noon. We had persons there with less than a year, less than a month. I gave a talk about how having two Long Term persons pick up new chips gives hope. When I had a week I never thought that I'd make it to two weeks. When I had a year I doubted that I'd make two. The compulsion to drink was still there. I wasn't one of those persons who had a Spiritual Experience that removed thought of Demon Rum from their thoughts for the rest of their lives.
Life isn't easy. It is a struggle that one must go through with God's help. I know that without God I'd not have a chance to pick up my 33rd year chip this July 4th. I was beaten to my knees. Literally to my knees. I wept on the cushion of the old green hide a bed that we had. "The Iron Maiden". I just gave up and it was in that giving up that I felt the first glimmer of peace. It didn't last too long. But it was there. I hadn't had hope for years. I drank to forget what I'd not done or drank to forget what I'd done. It was one and the same.
Life is like an onion, the unusable skin peels right off and the sweet onion peels back down to the center.
I live like an onion peeling back my life slowly down to the center. I guess someday I'll reach the center and join the Lord. I believe in the after Life, but not in Hell. I think that when you are not going to the Lord you simply die. Sort of like a cow or a swine. I hope there are dogs in heaven though. I've had many wonderful canine friends and I'd like to see them again.
Jesus may have had a dog, if they have them in the middle east. I bet he had fun with his canine friend. It was a lucky animal to be loved by a young boy who was the Son of God.
I wonder if the life I've led will allow me into heaven. Without Christ's Mercy I'll never make it. I ask Him to say the word that will make me worthy to recieve the Sacraments. I know I've never done anything good enough to qualify myself to eat the Broken Flesh of the Lord and to touch my lips to His blood.
Fortunately He is the God his property is always to have mercy. Abundant mercy. I count on His mercy daily and He gives it to me. I am the most fortunate of men. I am loved.